Not even on her best day

…did Mary Todd Lincoln look half as attractive as actress Mary Elizabeth Winstead.  And yet Winstead will play that role in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

Here’s Mary Elizabeth Winstead:

Here’s Mary Todd Lincoln:

And that’s a young Mary Todd Lincoln.

Of course, it doesn’t take a hideous actress to play a convincing MTL; Marjorie Weaver was a hottie, but still managed to make a convincing Mary Todd in John Ford’s Young Mr. Lincoln back in 1939.  Mary Tyler Moore played an older Mary opposite Sam Waterston’s Lincoln, and she was quite the looker, too.

But this new one is a stretch.  There isn’t enough latex in Hollywood to make Winstead as visually unappealing as MTL was by the 1860’s.  My suggestion would be to cast a separate Mary to play her in the later stages of life. 

I suggest Wayne Knight in drag.  He could don a hoop skirt and then have a re-match with a venomous dinosaur on the White House grounds.  That’s a movie I’d pay to see.

(The pics of both Marys are from Wikimedia Commons.)

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7 Comments

Filed under Abraham Lincoln

7 responses to “Not even on her best day

  1. I suggest Wayne Knight in drag.

    Wow, that was ungenerous. ;-)

  2. Michael Lynch

    Ungenerous to Wayne, or to Mary?

    –ML

  3. Matt McKeon

    It’s hard to believe a movie based on President Lincoln fighting vampires would descent to using good looking actresses that don’t closely resemble the historical figures. Next you’ll be telling me that Jefferson didn’t resemble Ken Howard in 1776!

  4. Matt McKeon

    descend not descent. Sorry.

  5. Michael Lynch

    I dunno; Jefferson wasn’t a bad looking guy.

    –ML

  6. Did she audition by saying, “Does this dress make my butt look big?”

  7. Michael Lynch

    While holding a wooden stake, the better to slay any vampires who thought it did.

    –ML

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