Most people who know the whereabouts of their own behinds are aware that some acts are to be avoided under almost any circumstances, and that such acts include desecrating graves, damaging public property, and collecting artifacts in a national park.
Coy Matthew Hamilton managed to do all three at the same time when he took it upon himself to dig up the probable remains of a Confederate soldier at Wilson’s Creek National Battlefield.
Hamilton admitted to investigators that he found the remains while canoeing with a friend in February 2011.
Described in case documents as an “avid, self-taught amateur archaeologist who routinely spends his free time hunting for artifacts,” Hamilton set out in the canoe after recent heavy rains, as he “knew from experience that this could reveal archaeological artifacts.”
On the afternoon of Feb. 27, Hamilton and a companion spotted a bone sticking out of an embankment. “Hamilton excavated two femur bones and pieces of a pelvis,” according to a report.
His companion urged him to stop, “but Hamilton’s enthusiasm was too strong.
Calling this guy “an avid, self-taught amateur archaeologist” is like calling somebody who swipes a few hundred bucks from a cash register “an avid, self-taught amateur numismatist.”