A carefully laid and nefarious scheme of mine has come to naught, thanks to the diligence of a reader named “JosephineSouthern” who left the following comment on my last post:
“Your critque [sic] might have sailed past us with an ok except for your mention of Kevin Levin and andy hall. A dead give away [sic] for your progressive present-ism agenda. Sorry but you get a failing grade, a big fat F for your opinionated article!”
Curses! Blast! I had sincerely hoped that I might pull one over on the online reading public by pretending to discuss a historical novel while secretly foisting my leftist, progressive agenda off on an unsuspecting country. And I would have gotten away with it, too, if I hadn’t mentioned Kevin Levin and Andy Hall, because we’re all secretly members of a cabal of Yankeefied, crypto-Marxist bloggers who use history as a front to destroy truth, justice, and the American way.
This is particularly galling because I have spent the past three decades posing as both a conservative and a southerner, solely for the purpose of infiltrating the ranks of freedom-loving believers in black Confederates. Yes, the secret is now out. My birth certificate and driver’s license stating that I am both a native and a resident of Tennessee, my high school years spent doing volunteer work for numerous conservative political campaigns, my vocal opposition to the Obama administration, my family’s longtime connections to conservative organizations and politicians all across the state…ALL LIES! All an elaborate ruse to deceive you, the readers of this blog and subvert your minds with my progressive, presentist agenda!
And now all exposed as a sham, because JosephineSouthern has pegged me as a member with them of the Council of Progressive Presentist History Bloggers, which convenes every month in an underground chamber lit by torches. Kevin, dropping his guise as a mild-mannered schoolteacher, presides over our meetings while seated atop a throne of skulls flanked by portraits of Chairman Mao and George Soros. After a rousing chorus of our anthem…
we proceed to old business, followed by the hatching of schemes to hasten the advent of progressive, presentist, agenda-driven history. Then we usually break for coffee and finger foods.
Now that JosephineSouthern has outed me as a sleeper agent, I guess my days as a progressive historical blogger operative are numbered. Maybe ACORN is taking applications.
Past in the Present 